a story eloquently arranged for you by Andrew Williams
1,042 words | First Draft
[note: it figures that the day after I say I am going to slow down on this site would be the day my mind vomits all over the place. this is the roughest story to date. i quite literally started and finished in a thirty minute time frame, and haven't even looked at it a second time or corrected anything. maybe that's what i'll do when I find time]
One thing that I have not explained about those that live in Fringe City, is how the townsfolk great one another near nightfall. In most English speaking countries, one would say, “good evening!” And in the case of Fringe City, they do much the same. However, they overly pronounce the word “even” in the word. And they only say the word on even days of the week. So if you ran into Gerome, (you remember him as the boy who almost frowned in Fringe City… which as we also remember, is something to be frowned upon), if you ran into Gerome on the streets downtown after a gala gala by the Spaghetti Statue you’d have to muster your thoughts in a swirl, “is today the 4th? 17th? 28th?” to be able to greet him properly.
You decide that it is the 20th of October, so you tip your hat, throw your hands to the sky and say, “good EVENing Gerome!”
Gerome looks at you and smiles with his up-turned curvy smile and says, “Good ODDning to you!”
It is then that you realize the error you just made! Before you have a chance to look down at your watch, Gerome has already plucked your hat from the top of your head and placed it on his own! When your eyes have finally located the day of the month on your watch, you realize with horror that it is the 19th of October!
Quite embarrassing really.
Gerome has your hat, and he’s free to do it. If you greet another person incorrectly in Fringe City, they are allowed by law to take something that belongs to you.
It gets particularly tricky when TWO people make the error. Such is the case with the man named Pickles and the woman named Eggs.
“Good afternoon!” Said Pickles. And unfortunately for Pickles, it was not afternoon.
“Good EVENing!” Replied Eggs, with a smile on her face. “Now I would like that ax you are always carrying with you. And you’re lucky you don’t have any hermit turtle shells or I would have chosen those!”
She shook the bag that she was carrying over her shoulder twice. You see, Eggs always finds people to greet moments after afternoon. And oftentimes, she knew exactly what day and time it was.
And for a brief history lesson: there was a point when the people of Fringe City referred to the time between afternoon and evening or oddning as “Overnoon” but it got too confusing. Then there were other folks who wanted that time slot to officially be called “Beforening”. That one was not well received by traditional greeters, and they often ended up with everything that the “beforening” greeters owned.
And realistically, if you really weren’t sure what day it was, you could probably get away with saying, “Good ningtime!” But that simply shows your ignorance to how many times the Top and Bottom Half of the sun have passed overhead. The Horizon Line also thinks it’s kind of rude.
Anyhow, Pickles was as sheered as a sheep. It had been afternoon all afternoon, and Pickles didn’t realize it had crossed the mark to ningtime. “Eggs, you get me every time.” Pickles conceeded. “Here is my ax, the one that I am always carrying, and the one you have requested. You couldn’t have asked for my hermit turtle shells anyhow. They are already in your sack. The sack that holds everything that you have taken from everyone.”
“Oh yes, yes, yes. Gala Gala confetti to you!” she replied, and happily took the ax from Pickles. She stuffed it in her bag. She then twirled in the heel of her right foot. And did a shuffle step, one-two in the opposite direction of Pickles. “Again, good EVENing to you Pickles! Hahohurhum!”
Before she left, Pickles had a grand idea, “Eggs wait! I have a question for you!”
And Eggs paused, twirled on the heel of her foot, and did a shuffle step, one-two back toward Pickles. Placing her finger on the tip of his nose, she asked, “whaaaaaaat?”
“Dearest Eggs, you generally are a very nice woman, but sometimes you can be bit a bit greedy. I don’t want anything else taken from me tonight from anyone else, so if you could tell me what day it is, I would be most appreciative. MOST!”
“Ah, yes yes yes.” said Eggs. “It is the last day of the most beautiful, golden crisped and auburn-leafed month of the year. October 30th!” Replied Eggs as she wetted her finger and pointed it to the sky. “Now, the breeze on the tip of my finger is directing me to go home! And for the last time, good EVENing!”
Eggs twirled that familiar twirl on the heel of her foot, and was about to shuffle step, one-two in the opposite direction of Pickles when she heard his voice again.
“Eggs! One last, laaast thing!” Eggs halted, and furious this time.
“What could you possibly want Pickles?”
“I’d hate to peel the shell from your plans, so I agree with you. It is the last day of October to be certain. So, it has come to my attention that October has 31 days in it. Not 30. So I should say, ‘Good ODDning’ to you!” Pickles smiled at Eggs’ disbelief.
“Well, okay. You can have your ax back Pickles.” said Eggs.
“Now, from how I understand it, I get to choose the item. Is this correct?” Eggs nodded. Then the one item that I want from you Eggs, is the sack filled with everyone’s belongings!”
Eggs was crushed. Pickles spent the rest of the ODDning giving back everyone’s belongings, making sure he didn’t say afternoon or EVENing to anyone. In fact, as he went home with his ax and his sack full of hermit turtle shells, he was sure that no one in Fringe City was going to forget what day it was ever again.
As a result, everything was as always. The Horizon Line chose if it was a Top Half or a Bottom Half kind of day, the skim boarders were skimming skims in Byrd Creek, and the Wingless Ferries whirled eddies and effies in the Inskip Sea.
